Dear Team Around the Child: A cry for help from the frontline

I write to you, as one of the “supposed” team members around the child. I know you view us as nothing more than a babysitter who gives up our life to care for one of your county’s children, and we are not worthy to even write to you but here’s how we feel right now.

To our supervising social worker: I am so tired of hearing ‘we hear you’ and you ‘share my frustrations’ as we yet again, over and over, try to tell you it’s not ‘our frustrations’, it’s us trying to get something done for our little one, and to be blunt I don’t think you ‘share’ our frustrations at all, we are just another fostering family on your caseload which is too big, as you frequently tell us, which makes us feel that that ‘strongly worded email’ you are going to write for us and our child will never happen, especially as you have told us you want to wrap everything up before you go on annual leave.

To our child’s social worker: I am so fed up of hearing you tell us that you are “so tired” and it’s a “long process” or ‘it’s my manager’ and how overworked you are, or how you’re always having to fend ‘disgruntled’ foster carers. You don’t say how hard it is for them as well, or the children, and to rub salt into the wound tell us how in two weeks you will be sunning yourself on holiday and not have to think of any of this ‘stuff’. Oh for a holiday, what even is that?

To our child’s IRO: We are so fed up with you saying ‘sorry for the delay’ or ‘I haven’t had time to do that yet’ or ‘no one’s got back to me’ and how ‘it’s in x’s best interests’ or ‘we need to get this right’ these platitudes don’t help when we know no one is actually doing anything. 

You are not helping, you are a part of the problem. You write to our child like you know him but you don’t. You and the other senior leadership sit in your ivory towers and make big decisions that are often not in the best interests of the child.

You muddy the waters and make your social workers jump through hoops without giving a second thought to the child that you’re all arguing about and who is stuck in the system. 

We also heard from you that you are now feeling refreshed after your much-needed two-week Caribbean holiday. 

Did it occur to you that you and your team have repeatedly refused us any breaks at all, has it ever occurred to you how exhausted we might be after 5 years without one single day off?

To the parent of our little foster child: We’re sorry that they’re putting you through this and dangling your child in front of you like a proverbial carrot. We’re sorry that they keep making you do endless assessments (that they’ve done already) and endless parenting courses. We know how sick you are of waiting and seeing you on this emotional roller coaster, we not only see what it’s doing to the precious life of your little one, but what it’s doing to you too. Their inaction hurts us all.

To my husband: I know you’re struggling and physically and mentally we’re both on our knees. I know how much you put into the little one we care for and it feels never-ending. I know you want us to ‘just’ a couple again, even if for a few short days. I know how your work and social life are on the sidelines while we both try our best to keep all the plates spinning.

I know it angers you that our emails, questions and worries as foster carers get blanked. It’s no wonder foster carers throw in the towel because we can see first-hand how they’re not valued.

What a shame they lose good people because they too have hit the ropes and said we simply can’t do this anymore.

One day, my love, when we’ve done right by this little person we’ll be on a sunbed too and the dysfunction and mess of this system will be a distant memory.

To our wonderful little person: You ARE ‘the child’ that ‘the team’ are meant to be around. You’ve been with us for what seems like forever and a day and we love the bones of you. We’ll keep fighting for you but these grown-ups are making a right pig’s ear of things.

They need to sort their stuff out because as it stands they’re failing you, our darling, little precious one. This breaks our hearts. They’re not getting ‘it’ right for you, for your mummy, or us as your foster carers. They’re probably not getting ‘it’ right for many other children like you either if the truth be told because sadly you’re all in a broken system whereby the people who really count don’t have a voice.

Until the day that the grown-ups finally sort your life out (literally!), you’ll be stuck with little old me and your foster daddy.

Thank goodness for that is all we can say. Mind you, at this rate, if we ever get ourselves on a sunbed then you’ll be driving us to the airport!